Post by gellegbs on Feb 12, 2009 12:24:39 GMT -5
It was night time, I was in a spare bedroom of my mom's house hundreds of miles away from my husband who wasn't alone. I didn't know what to do, I knew divorce was around the corner, he was constantly running around and I had my own issues with keeping the home and indulging myself in computer games, I was truly addicted, it was my escape. I was sick of living the way I did, and now it had gotten too far. The Lord did not want this man for me or this life for me, it was clear, I didn't even have bitter feelings that he had a new girlfriend, actually it was relief.
I had no home of my own, my mom was kicking me and the kids out for about 4 hours a day and we had to find something to do, usually it was in the afternoon, so we would just drive around aimlessly till she said it was ok to come back. I had no money, my ex withdrew every cent from our account. I felt very alone, scared and confused. All I could think is, what now?
How could I support my kids by myself? Where would I live? What about the kid's schooling? I knew I couldn't keep living at my mom's two bedroom house. I had been atheist for 10 years, I was one of those on some forums or chat rooms that would pick a fight with a Christian just to show off my "superior intellect". I was well prepared being a science (Chemistry) major in college, and I had taken geology, astronomy, biology as well as chemistry. Before I was atheist I was Catholic, or at least raised Catholic. When I was a child I would say the Lord's prayer and the hail Mary, like I thought it was a way to get God's attention, and then talked to God. I remember it felt like God was really listening then, and I think He was.
So there I was, at my most desperate, I had nothing but a strange nagging feeling that I needed something, and that that something was the Lord. I prayed for the first time in 10 years, I got down on my knees in the dark room and asked God if He was real, to let me know, because I needed Him. A small voice inside me said "I am", I thought I might have been imagining it or my subconscious self was trying to soothe me, I prayed again. Again, He said "I am", I realized it wasn't me thinking that, it was God speaking to me. He was real! I confessed Jesus as my savior, I confessed that I believed that He died and rose from the dead and that He is alive now sitting right next to the Father, I repented of everything, I cried and bowed to the floor, something I had never done before.
Then my life started to change. All the sudden I started to realize a lot of what I normally did and what was accepted as "normal" was sinful. The Lord changed things in me little by little. I wish I could say it kept getting better and I continued to grow in the Lord. It didn't, I wanted a father for my kids really bad, I wanted to have a normal family really bad. I wasn't willing to wait on God to bring me a godly man. Heck, I wasn't even willing to wait till the divorce was final. I figured since my ex had moved on I should to.
The devil worked his magic and I followed fool-heartedly. I started dating this guy and that was the beginning of my backsliding. He was not a Christian man and definitely not the man God wanted me to be with, regardless I fell in love bad. After hurricane Katrina we came to live together in an apartment, I was still legally married! He was into dark stuff I didn't know about yet and I was falling into a pit. I stopped reading the Bible, stopped praying and totally ignored God.
It all ended when I dropped him off at the police station near Dallas, TX because he was on my computer talking to a under cover sting operator who presented himself was a 14 year old girl. I knew my boyfriend was talking to other women. (Wow, can I pick em or what?) I was really busy with my daughter and her surgeries to be concerned with his cheating. I had NO idea he was into kids! On top of that I was pregnant!
There I was pregnant, alone again, my ex husband was giving me problems and trying to take our three kids away from me (just to get revenge), God was my only way out of this pit.
Today I am still growing in my relationship with the Lord. I still have custody of all my kids despite my ex's futile efforts. I am very thankful to the Lord for that and that my children can be raised as Christians according to the Bible, if left in my ex husband and his new wife's care they would not. I have everything I would ever need and then some. I can stay at home for my daughters, especially the one who is handicapped. Even though my ex had reduced his child support to $100 a week (now its $0 because he's out of work) I still have everything we need. The Lord blesses abundantly. I also have a wonderful Christian man I am engaged to that is faithful, a good leader and makes up for everything I'm lacking. I know one day we will be one household and I'm glad I have to time to ready myself to be a better housewife for him than I have ever been.
I had no home of my own, my mom was kicking me and the kids out for about 4 hours a day and we had to find something to do, usually it was in the afternoon, so we would just drive around aimlessly till she said it was ok to come back. I had no money, my ex withdrew every cent from our account. I felt very alone, scared and confused. All I could think is, what now?
How could I support my kids by myself? Where would I live? What about the kid's schooling? I knew I couldn't keep living at my mom's two bedroom house. I had been atheist for 10 years, I was one of those on some forums or chat rooms that would pick a fight with a Christian just to show off my "superior intellect". I was well prepared being a science (Chemistry) major in college, and I had taken geology, astronomy, biology as well as chemistry. Before I was atheist I was Catholic, or at least raised Catholic. When I was a child I would say the Lord's prayer and the hail Mary, like I thought it was a way to get God's attention, and then talked to God. I remember it felt like God was really listening then, and I think He was.
So there I was, at my most desperate, I had nothing but a strange nagging feeling that I needed something, and that that something was the Lord. I prayed for the first time in 10 years, I got down on my knees in the dark room and asked God if He was real, to let me know, because I needed Him. A small voice inside me said "I am", I thought I might have been imagining it or my subconscious self was trying to soothe me, I prayed again. Again, He said "I am", I realized it wasn't me thinking that, it was God speaking to me. He was real! I confessed Jesus as my savior, I confessed that I believed that He died and rose from the dead and that He is alive now sitting right next to the Father, I repented of everything, I cried and bowed to the floor, something I had never done before.
Then my life started to change. All the sudden I started to realize a lot of what I normally did and what was accepted as "normal" was sinful. The Lord changed things in me little by little. I wish I could say it kept getting better and I continued to grow in the Lord. It didn't, I wanted a father for my kids really bad, I wanted to have a normal family really bad. I wasn't willing to wait on God to bring me a godly man. Heck, I wasn't even willing to wait till the divorce was final. I figured since my ex had moved on I should to.
The devil worked his magic and I followed fool-heartedly. I started dating this guy and that was the beginning of my backsliding. He was not a Christian man and definitely not the man God wanted me to be with, regardless I fell in love bad. After hurricane Katrina we came to live together in an apartment, I was still legally married! He was into dark stuff I didn't know about yet and I was falling into a pit. I stopped reading the Bible, stopped praying and totally ignored God.
It all ended when I dropped him off at the police station near Dallas, TX because he was on my computer talking to a under cover sting operator who presented himself was a 14 year old girl. I knew my boyfriend was talking to other women. (Wow, can I pick em or what?) I was really busy with my daughter and her surgeries to be concerned with his cheating. I had NO idea he was into kids! On top of that I was pregnant!
There I was pregnant, alone again, my ex husband was giving me problems and trying to take our three kids away from me (just to get revenge), God was my only way out of this pit.
Today I am still growing in my relationship with the Lord. I still have custody of all my kids despite my ex's futile efforts. I am very thankful to the Lord for that and that my children can be raised as Christians according to the Bible, if left in my ex husband and his new wife's care they would not. I have everything I would ever need and then some. I can stay at home for my daughters, especially the one who is handicapped. Even though my ex had reduced his child support to $100 a week (now its $0 because he's out of work) I still have everything we need. The Lord blesses abundantly. I also have a wonderful Christian man I am engaged to that is faithful, a good leader and makes up for everything I'm lacking. I know one day we will be one household and I'm glad I have to time to ready myself to be a better housewife for him than I have ever been.