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Post by mountaingirl on Apr 13, 2008 21:49:36 GMT -5
I have a 9 yo daughter who has become quick to give attitude when she is overwhelmed. Since she is my oldest I don't know if this is normal but I would like to teach her how to deal with her emotions instead of giving attitude and being a drama queen.
We have been through some major changes in our lives in the past year. In August I quit my job and became a SAHM for the first time in my life. I started home schooling in September; she had attended public school until that time. In October we moved from Wisconsin back to Washington state. We lived in Wisconsin for 3 years.
I know that these are pretty traumatic changes for children but I don't want them to become crutches. I want to teach her how to deal with change and the emotions that come with them so that she can grow in maturity and spiritually.
Some of the things that she says to me with attitude and volume, "You don't know what it is like to be the oldest" and "I don't have anyone to play with my own age". She really likes to yell and boss around her younger brothers (2 and 4). We have even caught her trying to discipline her younger brothers.
When she gives me the attitude, I calmly remind her of her volume and tone. I also remind her that God gives her the strength and the heart to be the oldest. Her dad and I are always here to help her with the wisdom. We also encourage her to pray. Since she is only 9 we do not give her much responsibility regarding her brothers. She does help the youngest get dressed from time to time, she does help entertain them when we need to concentrate on something without the children. She watches them when I need to switch laundry around or if I need to take a quick shower and DH is at work. She is never allowed to discipline them.
As far as friends go, she has started talking to a girl at a co-op that we belong to. She also calls and emails her best friend in Wisconsin. I try to encourage her to reach out to other girls in the co-op and Sunday school but she is afraid. I explained to her that she is a wonderful little girl but people are not going to beat down her door. She must make some effort in making friends if she wants them.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can help her deal with her attitude? Are there any bible studies out there that I can do with her?
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tbhas6
Senior Member
Posts: 1,146
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Post by tbhas6 on Apr 14, 2008 7:28:08 GMT -5
Hi Mountaingirl, I realize most folks will tell you that "attitude" from 9-10 on up through early adulthood is "normal" - thus, many parents look the other way and tolerate it much more than they should. It is encouraging that you and your husband are not looking the other way but are willing to address this. It is also encouraging that you desire to address this at 9 instead of hoping she'll grow out of it and then having some serious "attitude" at 13 or 14. Bravo Mountaingirl. I recommend Keepers of the Faith's Keeper Character Series, Write Upon My Heart. The series covers and has an individual study guides for cheerfulness, compassion, contentment, determination,diligence, forgiveness, kindness, meekness, modesty, obedience, patience, truthfulness, willingness. The study guides are reasonably priced around $6 ea. You can obtain more information at www.keeperofthefaith.com. Click under the red "books & music" tab. Praying for you ... tb
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Post by mountaingirl on Apr 14, 2008 21:30:38 GMT -5
Thank you tbhas6 for your encouragement and advice. I did look at the sample of Write Upon My Heart I think it was the cheerful one. I am very interested in this series and I will discuss it with DH. Also the site is www.keepersofthefaith.com. keeper of the faith is not the correct website. I have also realized by reading on the submission board that I too might need to look at my attitude. It never hurts for me to make sure that I keep in line with my responsibilites and attitudes. Something that I will have to work on while we are helping DD with her attitude.
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tbhas6
Senior Member
Posts: 1,146
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Post by tbhas6 on Apr 15, 2008 8:57:09 GMT -5
Mountaingirl,
I am so sorry for the typo on that web address. I am glad you were able to find the correct site.
Knowing that you and your husband recognize there is a problem with your daughter's attitude and y'all are willing to seek and find remedies, tells me that y'all are very loving parents. I am confident the Lord will lead y'all to the answers and solutions you desire.
tb
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lanabelle
Charitable Lady
I want to be a teacher of good things.
Posts: 100
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Post by lanabelle on Apr 15, 2008 15:37:23 GMT -5
Hey Mountaingirl, I feel your pain when it comes to attitude problems, the only difference is mine are the male kind. We also started homeschooling last fall after several years of public education. The influence of the world has alot to do with it, but I don't believe it's an age related phase that all children have to go through. I believe in consistent dicipline for unacceptable behavior and a great deal of reasoning and explaining. I have taught the "Fruits of the Spirit" and such a great deal, I can see improvement. I talk to my boys alot about character and expectations. I love and appreciate folks who realize that there is a higher standard than the worlds. Keep on keeping on. Lana
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Post by mountaingirl on Apr 15, 2008 21:48:20 GMT -5
Thank you lanabelle for your words of encouragement. I am so glad that women have come out and told me that this is not "normal". I have to admit that when I was her age I was a horrible little girl full of attitude. I'm sure that people told my parents that I was normal and that I would grow out of it. I eventually did grow out of it; late 20's. I want to give her the tools to deal with stress, heartaches, disappointments, etc. before she get's into her late 20's.
I am so blessed by the women on this board. Thank you.
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Post by quasimodo on May 5, 2008 20:38:28 GMT -5
I know I'm coming in late on this, mountaingirl, but I wanted to encourage you that while this type of attitude may be seen as normal, I applaud you for not turning a blind eye to it. I, too, have a 9 year old who sighs and is quick to give attitude when overwhelmed. Unfortunately, I had to give her a stern warning today, which I felt badly about (I don't like to act sternly, but will if I need to). My 9yo has been homeschooled all this time, and has usually been very compliant. It's just lately that she has been acting this way.
I used to have a really neat resource I used when my older children were much smaller. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the name of the book, but it was quite expensive and it was set up so you can turn to whatever discipline problem you were having and it would give scriptures to teach to your children. I so wish I could remember what it is called. If anyone knows what it is, would you mind telling me? I thought I could help mountaingirl out here, but the name of my resource has fallen out of my mind! Sorry!
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Post by mountaingirl on May 7, 2008 22:01:00 GMT -5
Quasimodo,
My daughter and I have started working on the "sample" bible study for cheerfulness through keepers of the faith and we are really enjoying it. I have noticed that her attitude is slowly changing for the better. I'm hoping that we can come up with the money to purchase some of the bible studies.
I have also realized that by trying to watch my attitude that it is not only changing my outlook but also hers.
Thank you for your encouragement.
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Post by quasimodo on May 9, 2008 14:53:27 GMT -5
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jen
Charitable Lady
Posts: 229
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Post by jen on Feb 19, 2009 14:31:59 GMT -5
I'm late coming into this thread, but I wanted to say how encouraging it is to see how many ladies believe in doing something about children's attitudes, and not just letting that sort of behaviour go. I was at a ladies meeting several months ago, and a conversation some of the ladies had really bothered me. They basically agreed that there was nothing you could do about "attitude" but to let it pass. I totally disagree, but they all had teenage children and my son was about seven months old at the time, so of course I knew nothing about it, and "I'd see" when my boy was older. They all felt it was "normal" and inevitable for pre-teens and teens to be like that, but I'm starting to notice the results of that kind of parenting in the lives of their kids, and it isn't pretty. Anyhow, I'm glad to see that my convictions on that issue don't come from my inexperience and not knowing any better.
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Post by nocomment on Feb 19, 2009 17:43:20 GMT -5
I think attitude is normal when those hormones start crashing around inside them.
The blessed thing is, that is not an excuse to be mean or rude or ugly to others. We are responsible to reign in our fleshly reactions.
We do have to be careful that we do not overwhelm our oldest children. They are our right hands. I remind my oldest of this when she's tired of her position.
I remind her that God chose her for the place. I remind her that God has a special purpose for oldest children. There are both blessings and challenges that come with that, but God gives grace.
She struggles, but I believe God will enable her to graciously find the balance she needs. I just have to help her see the path.
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jen
Charitable Lady
Posts: 229
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Post by jen on Feb 20, 2009 9:28:36 GMT -5
I've heard a lot of parents say they were too hard on their oldest, or expected too much from them. My husband and I were both the oldest in our families, and it was certainly true of his parents. In my case, it's hard to say because I wasn't raised in the same home as my brother and sister.
I will add, however, that my husband turned out more solidly grounded and more faithful to the Lord and more respectful to his parents than the younger children, so even if it wasn't fair at the time their extra strictness with him did produce good fruit in his life, whereas his siblings have had more of a tendency to make irresponsible choices that have hurt them as adults.
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